i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
