This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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