put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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