Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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