You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
