no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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