she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
