im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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