Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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