I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
