so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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