he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
