you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
