it was like his penis was on wheels.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
