I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
