So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
4 words: hood of his car
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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