TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
