No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
