hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
