WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
