Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
