maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
