girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
