Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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