I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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