I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You just made me feel so damn special
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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