i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found puke in my bra..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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