Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
