Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
