there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
