if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
