I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
