U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
