omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You ate ashes out of my bong
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
