I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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