Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
