I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
