his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Slut skills are useful in every country.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
