yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
