I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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