my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize