I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
