dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
