I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Bring me that man meat
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Floor bacon is actually really good
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You don't make any sense
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