I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
