My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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