omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
