I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
