i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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