he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
