Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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